My name is Demi and I was a single mom to an adorable and lovely little girl. Before I could even get started on things that you should know, I’d just like to share a little bit about myself. I was 19 when I got pregnant out of wedlock. During those times, I was really confused, doubtful and scared. It was a very rough stage of my life. People were surprised, critical, and it seemed like all the hate and negativity in this world—ALL OF IT—were pushing me to the ground.
These negative things made me bitter towards my situation. I yearned to escape from my reality. I went out with my friends, spent many nights binge drinking, and even wasted my time hanging out when I could have spent them with my daughter. I cannot deny that I had temporary happiness with these things, but that’s what they are, TEMPORARY. Then I noticed problems were piling up and I didn’t know where they came from because I was focused on the wrong things. I was lost. My relationships were damaged.
But before things got even messier, God sent me a blessing through a friend who I used to share vices with before. I learned she became a follower of Christ and that’s when she started sharing the Good News to me. She reminded me how God loves me that He sent His One and Only Son to die for me. I began to feel God’s presence in my life when I started going back to church, hearing His Word and wholeheartedly seeking Him in my quiet times. Slowly, my views in life brightened.
When I surrendered my life to Jesus, my perspective on motherhood changed. The hardest trial that I thought was became the biggest blessing in my life. But don’t get me wrong, I still have my challenges. But with Christ, I gained a new life. I gained confidence that no matter what comes up in my life, I know that through Jesus I can handle it and I am not alone on this parenting thing.
Anyway, single mommies, here are five things that I learned in this season:
1. There is forgiveness.
I needed God’s forgiveness. Just like any other relationships, when we wrong someone, in order for the relationship to be restored we should seek their forgiveness. Forgiveness of our sins is always available if we place our faith in Jesus Christ as our Savior. We can’t earn it, we can’t pay for it, and all we can do is receive it. Sometimes we have doubts on whether God’s grace is as simple as that.
These doubts are product of our shame, we are so ashamed of our doings that it’s hard to accept the simplicity of God’s forgiveness. I started declaring by faith that I am redeemed from sin, guilt and condemnation. I am free to love God and myself. I believe we must get these truths into our spirit before we will experience them. Faith comes first and then manifestation. Our shame may be great, but God is always greater. God is loving and merciful to forgive us of our sins.
2. We have a new identity in Christ.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; the old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
When condemnation creeps in, I always think about this verse as a reminder that God has already redeemed me. Yes, I can’t change my past, but my God is a God of second chances. My past does not and will not define me. We can’t erase our mistakes but we can be redeemed through Jesus Christ. We can stop believing the lie that what other people think matters. I used to listen to the lies of the enemy and other people’s criticism and I end up being in bondage.
But the truth of God’s Word made me free when I started to believe it. In Isaiah 53:3 it says there that Jesus was also despised and rejected, but He never seemed to let it bother Him. I am sure He felt pain too when He was rejected, but He did not let it prevent Him from fulfilling His purpose.
3. We can have a clean slate.
“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.” Isaiah 1:18
I like this verse because it shows God’s grace and mercy. It tells us about the love that He has for us, that no matter how stained we think we are or how the world sees our sins, Jesus paid for it all. Every sexual sin we’ve ever committed was charged to Jesus. Jesus died so we could be free. But His grace is not an excuse to sin. Sin still offends God. When we surrender our life to Jesus wholeheartedly, we are no longer a slave to sin. CONFESS and REPENT, then we can be again as white as snow and wool in His eyes. God will pardon all that is in your past and look upon you with the same grace and favor as if you had never displeased Him.
4. What you are doing as a Mama matters.
It’s so easy to get discouraged and feel defeated with our situation. Sometimes you feel you wish you had someone else’s life, you feel that what you’re doing doesn’t matter or you’re not making any progress. You’re stuck, you get frustrated that you wish you can just escape reality. Yes, I have those moments too. That’s why I need to be intentional with my quiet time with Jesus. When the stress and insecurities creep in, I find rest in God. Only by God’s grace that I get to embrace this season.
5. We need to go back to our first Love.
Before you fall in love again, you have to fall in love with Jesus first. I used to seek love and attention in all the wrong places. At first, it felt really good but in the long run I still end up getting hurt and empty. I remember what our Pastor said before, “If we don’t find God as our ultimate pleasure, then you are going to look for it from something else.”
You see, when we put our dependence and expectations to people, you give them the power to control your emotions, your happiness and your decisions. And when the time comes that he disappoints you or lets you down, it will hurt you really, really bad.
No person can ever meet the kind of love we want. Human love has limits, God’s does not. You know that longing in your heart that you can’t put into words? That is your soul’s desire for God’s love. And the good news is that, God is just waiting for you. He longs to give you the love that changes everything.